I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
