Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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