How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
