Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
