Quick, to the slutcave!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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