Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
