You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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