My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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