My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
