My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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