We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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