How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
