Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
