This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
BRING THE BAGELS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
