In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
