Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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