I can tuck mytits in my pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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