His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
