he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
