I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
