Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
