I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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