not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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