i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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