I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
