paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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