Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
