Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
