yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
