Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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