I think I am morally bankrupt
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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