I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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