I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
