she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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