I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
