I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
