Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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