Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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