Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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