high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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