Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
