I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
