That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
