We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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