and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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