I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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