3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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