Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
