this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
