Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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