so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
