What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
