Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
