Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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