So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
