Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
